Tourniquet
by SilverCrystal029
Summary: Rogue returns a favor to Scott. Set after Dark Horizons II and then Post Series. ScottxRogue A/N: Suicide attempt/mention trigger warning.


_Starts with a flashback to around the episode Impact. The second part is however far in the future you want it to be..._

* * *

She made almost everyone cry that day. Even stoic Logan and the dignified Professor Xavier. She returned after unleashing Apocalypse so far away from herself. She always felt a little of herself slip away every time her powers grew to be too much, but now she didn't even know who she was. Not really. They didn't understand what she'd done. They wanted to counsel her. Be_ there_ for her. The world was ending and she couldn't feel a thing.

After she woke up from being rescued from Apocalypse's lair, Hank gave her a full physical and clean bill of health, all things considered.

"I know it's not what you wan't to hear," He said when he caught Logan alone. He tried to catch bloodshot eyes. "But the professor and I fear the wounds and scars are in the poor girl's mind..." Logan heaved a heavy sigh. He had figured as much but he'd been hoping for a miracle. Rogue really needed it. She didn't eat. She didn't sleep. She didn't talk. She became a living ghost within a month to the horror of her friends.

Kitty and Kurt tried to stage an intervention for her that would make her seek more help from the administrators. Watching her waste away was no longer fine.

"We _love_ you," Kitty begged, clutching her maroon button-up top nervously as she spoke. "_Please_ let us help you."

"It's okay," Kurt tried to place a hand on Rogue's shoulder but she shrank away. "You have people that re here for y-"

_"Don't touch me!_" She hissed, the look on her face the same as the cornered girl they tried to recruit in Louisiana. Kurt's face fell.

"I-I'm sorry... Ve just want to help. It_ hurts_ to see you like this, sister." Rogue looked between her two friends with exhausted eyes. They didn't understand. They could never understand. They could never be raped on a spiritual level like Rogue and be forced to pick up the pieces. Rogue wasn't ever a beacon of emotional stability. She had dealt with her fair share of hardships, already. Before Apocalypse's plan came to fruition she had already waged an all out war with her powers and psyches, and almost lost.

Numb was too descriptive of a word to describe what she felt. It was less than that. Who was she? What was she? Nothing. Nothing but a weapon, just as Mystique planned. She had forced her destiny to change and yet it had remained the same anyways. Apocalypse walked the earth because of Rogue, and none of her friends could change that.

"Ya guys _really_ wanna help me?" Rogue asked, placing her hands on bony hips.

"Yes," Kitty exclaimed with tears on her face. "Please,_ anything._" Rogue stepped toward the smaller girl and stared at her.

"Touch me." Kurt and Kitty stared at their roommate in confusion.

"_Vhat_? Vhy vould ve do that?" He questioned, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Yeah, seriously. Sounds like the last thing you need right now. What's going on?" Kitty searched her friend's lifeless eyes.

"I don't feel _anythin'. _Don't you guys understand that? One o'ya should really touch me and see if that helps jump start it." She moved forward, forcing Kitty to move back. "See, I _take_ memories. Powers. Psyches. I store them _inside_ of me. But Apocalypse," Her voice broke. "He took from _me._ And... And... I don't know _wha_t he took." She stared into her scared, blue eyes, covering her face with gloved hands.

"Stop it," Kurt pleaded. "Rogue, stop. Let us get you help!" He reached for her but she wrenched free.

"Don't you _get_ it? There_ is_ no help. Not for_ me_ and not for any of _us. I've seen what happens to us, why even try?_" She pointed at them. Kitty's lip was shaking, but she struggled to be strong and put on a brave face for her friend who was obviously struggling._ 'Anyone would be... I couldn't imagine being in her shoes for one hour.'_ She found a second wind of patience for her truly incredible friend who needed help."Don't speak like tha-" She tried to hug Rogue but she pushed past her with a yell.

"I_ said I_ don't feel anything," She repeated, breathing heavily. "_Don't do that again._" She tore away from them. Crying now, Kitty and Kurt chased after her. Her refusing help was not an option. It became one when she slammed a door so hard telekinetically it popped off the hinges. Logan hadn't been far at all and he chose then to intervene.

"I know you guys care and you just wanna help..." He began, wondering what he could do himself to help the tortured girl. He had one arm around Kurt and the other covering Kitty as she burrowed in his side, sobbing. "I _know_ it's hard. But especially right now, with her mind and her heart so unstable... Ya gotta be there from a _distance_. For your own sakes." Both the teenagers sighed. "_Me_? If she tears into me it might ruin my day, but I at least won't be laid up in the infirmary, over it." They nodded glumly.

He sighed, feeling guilty for even beginning to sound like this was her fault. It wasn't. None of it was. Every time they turned around, someone was trying to abuse or manipulate Rogue's powers, or she had to abuse them to save everyone herself. It wasn't fair. None of it. "And, you know she doesn't hate you or mean what she says right now, right?" He was looking down more at Kitty. Kurt had pretty thick skin, anyone insistent on calling Rogue their sister had to. But Kitty certainly did not. "This is the_ what t_ime she's been controlled and forced into doing harmful things, things she'd never dream of doing with her own free will?" Kitty nodded slowly.

"You're right. I know her head's messed up..." She wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I'm not mad, I'm just worried about her... We've gotten through this before, but..." She looked fearfully at Logan. "It's _never_ been this bad. Ever." He already knew that. He had been silently agonizing over what he needed to do to help her. As she got more withdrawn he was running out of ideas.

"I_ know,_ Half-Pint. Don't try meddling with her now, Chuck and I will handle that. Just..." He looked between them, a heavy look on his face. "Give her your understanding for when she gets _through_ this. She's already too hard on herself. That's what she's gonna need." The teenagers nodded, finding wisdom in the older mutant's advice as usual. "Now, go on. _Git_." He shoved them lightly towards the institute. He looked at Kitty and his eyes softened. "I'll try talking to her."

Finally, Kitty smiled. He hung his head in his hands when they disappeared.

* * *

In light of Apocalypse, and other pressing matters, Logan decided to give the students one last day free of Danger Room sessions before things got intense. The whole institute gathered outside and a lively game of 'Mutie Ball' was started that would be referred to as legendary, someday. As usual, Rogue sat off to the side on the fountains. She didn't even pretend to watch, anymore. She sat alone with her thoughts, which Logan knew could occupy her until the end of time. That's what worried him.

He approached her, a strange awkwardness he'd never felt pervading him. This was his sidekick, the one who understood him without trying. "Hey, Rogue." They used to communicate non-verbally. Now he wasn't sure she heard him when he spoke. "_Still_ not feeling up to joinin' the others?" Her isolating was seriously starting to worry him, and compared to how she was when she came to the institute, that was saying a lot.

She just shook her head, her eyes cast to the ground as if they were too heavy to lift. What more was there to say? She was the anti-christ. She ended the world. When Apocalypse came, everyone could thank her. He parked himself beside her, committed to help no matter how brutal the conversation got. He placed a gentle hand on her leg. "C'mon. Try not to let things get to you." Their eyes met for a second, but her's dropped to the grass again.

"_Nothin'_ gets to me anymore." She retorted cryptically. He bit back a sigh. Where was the girl he vowed to protect? The fire cracker from down south who could get the new recruits in order faster than _he_ could.

"Rogue, _you know_... What Mystique and Apocalypse did to you," He sent her a look in case she tried to blame herself. "_You know_ it wasn't your fault, right?"

"I'm fine, Logan." She said in her 'I'm most definitely not fine' voice. He was familiar with it but this time, he couldn't he couldn't let it slide. He couldn't help but think their laissez-faire trust system is what lead her into trying to deal with things herself. Always.

"No, Rogue. You're not." He countered, his eyes shining passionately. "Your roommate and your brother are in there cryin' their_ eyes_ out, I smell 'em. It's _hard_ to see you like this." He reached out for her, but she shrank from his touch. She'd never winced from him before, it hurt. He forces his face to remain even. He placed his hands idly in his lap.

"So, _don't_ watch." She stood, staring at him. "I didn't ask to touch Apocalypse. And, I can't take it back." She moved to tear around him but he grabbed the girl by both her arms.

"Don't turn your back on me!" He snarled, but she wrenched from his grip, her eyes wild.

_"Don't touch me!"_ She screamed. Students on the lawn were starting to stare, their eyes concerned and shocked. He straightened his posture and relaxed, putting on the least threatening visage he could for the girl. He was a killing machine and she was a high school girl, powers or not. "Just, just leave me alone! You know why I like_ sitting by myself_? I always have, but_ especially_ since Apocalypse came and raped what was left of my mind? Because, it's quiet. Because, I don't feel like I'm going to give up and disappear into the crowd and never return."

He stared at her, so shocked he hadn't known that it had been like this for her. He felt ashamed. "_Rogue-_"

"Because, I don't feel like I'm going to sink this place. _So leave me alone, Logan_." Fearful tears streamed down her face as she tore away from her mentor, who helplessly watched her go.

_'Logan? What's going on? I, um, can feel you and Rogue...'_ Her head voice became sympathetic. '_Everything okay?'_

_'Not really, Red. Is Scott back to the mansion, yet?'_

_'No. He's still at soccer practice a little longer, why?'_

_'Rogue won't even talk to me. I'm really worried about her...'_ He sighed, even in his head. '_I don't know what to do. I was figurin' Scott might be the best bet to get through to her. She won't even talk to Kurt or Kitty. Next step is the professor and I'm worried she'll never forgive me.'_ Jean was frowning in her room now as she folded her laundry.

'_Oh, I see. This is serious. I could try talking to her, maybe until Scott gets home?'_ He knew Jean genuinely wanted to help, but he wasn't so sure it was a good idea. '_She's also, um, projecting the biggest & most disruptive psychic cloud I've ever experienced. I can't really focus on anything else. If it's bothering me it must be bothering the professor, too...'_

_'You can try, but if she tells you to back off, you do it. We don't know what shape her powers are in.'_ Jean nodded solemnly, following the psychic scent of her the big ball of trauma Rogue was projecting.

"Rogue?" She called out in the hallway. She saw the girl's slimming figure, but she didn't acknowledge her. "Hey!" Rolling her eyes a little, she began to hover slowly and caught up with the girl. "Rogue, are you alright?"

"I know you've never been _ignored_ before, but I knew you were calling me and I kept walking." Jean smiled. She'd gotten very good at deflecting Rogue's attitude. It didn't even hurt her feelings, anymore.

"_Ha ha,_ very funny. I just wanted to check on you..." She hugged herself. "You know I don't pry, but I can sense you. Your psychic signature..." Rogue grit her teeth and shut her eyes, trying not to look at Jean's pity filled face. "There are people here who can help you, you kno-"

"_Really?_" Rogue said, smirking. She faced the telepath. "Really? You think I'm projecting_ right now_? Because, I'm doing everything in my power to hold it in, so you people will just _leave me alone_!" She screeched. Jean's eyes went wide. "Ya wanna know what's _wrong_ with me so bad? Here!" Rogue's shoulders sagged tiredly and she let down the mental guard she more or less, walked with every day.

Jean began screaming immediately, her vast powers too wide for such unfiltered, raw trauma. It was darkness. The thought of having such anarchy in her mind at all times brought the psychic to her knees. What Rogue walked with everyday made the X-Men's strongest member shriek like a banshee. Jean was almost experiencing it. Rogue turned the shield back on, glaring down at Jean as she sobbed. "Oh god... _Oh god..._" She clutched her head, tears rolling down her cheeks. "_Rogue..." 'How are you still standing?'_

"Save it." She snapped. "Didya think I was just a complaine,r or something? Or, maybe I was on to something with the whole melodram-"

"_JEAN_?" The little color remaining in Rogue's skin drained as Scott appeared at the end of the hallway, his mouth agape in shock. Jean scrambled to her feet, wiping at her face. "Rogue, _what_-"

"_Scott..."_ Jean began. He crossed the distance between them in an instant, looking worriedly into Jean's face and trying to figure out if Rogue had actually tried to hurt her.

_'Did she-'_

'_No. I was prying and she put me in my place.'_ Jean answered truthfully, her face uncharacteristically somber. _'She's hurting so much, Scott. I don't know how she's managed this far_.' It was no secret the two girls didn't have a lot in common, but they were civil. Cordial. Sometimesm they even ganged up roasting Scott. It was so out of her character to flex her mental demons on a telepath. She _knew _better. He was deeply worried about her and angry with her for trying to hurt or scare Jean, even if the telepath was fine.

"_Rogue_-" He turned to address her, but she'd already continued down the hall. Seemingly, to her room. Jean sighed.

"She won't even _talk_ to Logan..." She told him worriedly, her jaw clenched. It'd already been a month and things were only getting worse.

"Okay, well if _I'm_ who she needs to get the tough love from, it can be me." He said, rolling up his sleeves with determination. Rogue could be difficult, but he was just as stubborn. The institute had seen them clash, more than once. Jean chuckled.

"She would be there if it was you." She said with a knowing smile. He looked down at Jean, thankful as always for her wisdom.

"She _has_ done it for me. I just want her to be okay but she has to at least open the door." Jean nodded, looking into Scott's eyes.

"If there's anyone who can remind her how to trust and why she became an X-Man, it's you, Scott." He smiled and leaned down, kissing Jean. God he loved it. It was so validating to find someone who felt like the other half of your soul. Neither heaven nor hell would ever take that away from Scott.

"How do you_ always_ know what to say?" Jean grinned, snatching the bag of gummy bears out of his shirt pocket and disappearing into the mansion. He laughed and began working up the courage to try to get Rogue to talk to him. He rapped firmly on her door.

"No." Was the dry response from the other side.

"Rogue, open up. It's Scott." She flopped on her bed, tears welling in her eyes. Last person she wanted to see.

"No."

"Rogue, we're all here for you and we couldn't imagine being in your position for _one day,_ let alone what you've been through. But, your behavior is unacceptable." He jumped when he heard her toss something at her door.

"_Go. Away_."

"Rogue, you can freak everyone else out, but you know it won't work with me." He exhaled when she didn't immediately respond with something snarky. "I'm not scared of you. And, the things you say because of all the pain and mistreatment you've been through, don't hurt my feelings. So why don't you just give me a peek at what's going on?" He pled, hoping his heartfelt words got through to his friend.

He still heard nothing. _'Okay... Now she's too quiet.'_ "Rogue?" He called out, his throat dry. He heard an inhale. And, then another. She was crying. He frowned. He was supposed to be making her feel better. "A-Are you _crying_?" He asked, his voice small. She didn't respond. He felt bad for breaching her boundaries but his leader's intuition was telling him to check on her. With his own red eyes. He jiggled the door nob gently, but it was locked. His heart began to beat, faster.

Rogue was pretty much the reason for the no locked doors policy. Sex, yes as the students got older, was something all the administration worried about. But nobody ever wanted to be more than a door opening away from Rogue for a multitude of reasons.

"I can't _do it,_ Scott." His heart broke. She sounded so small and scared. "I don't want to_ disappoin_t you... Or sound like a quitter, but..." She hiccuped. He heard the shower running in the background. "Whatever Apocalypse took from me, I didn't have for him to _take_..." He pressed his ear closely to the door, not liking the tone of her voice or what she was saying.

"Hey, hey._ Whoa_. Slow down, there. What Apocalypse and Mystique did to you is valid. A-And it's _real_. It matters. And it's not something you should have to deal with and try to heal from. But, even_ this_ is something you can get through, Rogue." His brow furrowed in concern. "Y-You know that, _right_? Just let us help you."

There was a beat of silence. Scott really didn't want to bust the door down, but he was about to. "_Rogue,_"

"Okay." She said. He relaxed, so relieved. "I'm gonna clean myself up. Could you, uh, maybe go get Jean?" He leaned against her door and sighed.

"Of course, Rogue. You unwind and we'll take it however fast or as slow as you want." He cast a last worried look at her door before he ambled off to find the psychic, his mind racing. He didn't play into high school politics. Scott had all sorts of different friends. He knew that not all goths were 'depressed' and some preps were sadder than everyone else in the school. But, the tone of the things she said sent him on an anxious spiral. _'No matter how hard things got for her... She wouldn't...'_

_'Scott,'_ Jean's head voice sounded a little frantic for his taste.

_'Hey, you. Where are you at?'_

_'Uhm in the library. I thought you were gonna talk to Rogue.'_ He stopped in his tracks.

_'I just did. She asked me to get you.'_ Jean cocked an eyebrow as she read her chemistry book.

'_She requested that you go find me?'_ He nodded, realizing it was a little bit weird now that he thought about it.

_'Yeah, kind of weird but she just sounds at her wits end.'_

_'But, you talked to her? I mean, she's alright?'_ He nodded in the hallway.

_'Yeah, as much as she would through her door, anyway.' _Jean slammed her book and grabbed her things.

_'Okay. I'm coming back, right now. Go back to her room and check on her. With your eyes, okay?'_

_'Jean, what's wrong?'_

_'She's pink clouding, Scott. I still sense her... I...'_ She found herself at a loss for words_. 'She has no intention of getting help with anything._' The horrible truth dawned on Scott and he raced back to the girl's wing of the institute. Logan was right behind him, tearing through the mansion like a Tasmanian devil. His eyes were wild, smells and sounds cluing him in to things Scott was glad he didn't know.

With a panicked grunt, Logan broke open their door was ease. He ripped the sheet off her bed incase she was naked or exposing a lot of skin. Scott was hyperventilating, his hands on his head in horror.

"She pretty much _said_ she was going to kill herself... She said she couldn't do this!" He cried. "And I just _walked off_ to-"

"Shades," Logan snarled, having a harder time with the bathroom door that always jammed. "It don't matter, right now." He reminded him. He practically ripped the door off the hinges and tossed it behind him, recklessly. "_Rogue_," The incense in the tiny bathroom had covered the scent of her blood, but not anymore. The water wasn't opaque yet but it was filled with it. They caught her just before her nose plunged beneath the surface, and then no efforts would revive her.

Scott suddenly felt nauseated as Logan quickly fished her out of the bloody water, crying out as though he were in pain. He was thankful she was mostly clothed, her normal ensemble on sans the sheer green shirt. Her wrists were slit with nauseating precision. No 'pay attention to me cuts', just long, deadly lines. She dangled lifelessly in his arms as he screamed at her, begging her to wake up.

"_Stripes, say somethin'. Please._..."

Scott could hear Ororo crying and a crowd gathering outside the door. None of that mattered ,right now. Hank shuffled in the room with as many first aid things he could carry.

"Need bandages_ stat_, Hank!" He hurried into the small bathroom, Scott following behind. He noticed an empty pill bottle on Rogue's dresser. He was no snoop, but the label said it was a 60 day script for SERTRALINE filled out a week and a half ago. But the bottle was _empty_. His heart hammering, Scott ran into the bathroom, tossing Hank the pill bottle. Logan had gotten Rogue's slit wrists bandaged in an alarmingly fast fashion. He was helplessly touching his skin to her's but nothing was happening.

_"She took a bottle of pills,"_ He explained, his voice hoarse. He grabbed her tiny body and hoisted her back in the running cold shower. She was completely slack, her eyes rolling in the back of her head. She didn't react to the ice cold water showering down on her. He took the moment that her absorption powers weren't working and shoved two fingers down her throat. Logan couldn't even watch. His chest was wracked with fear. _'We can't lose her... Not like this.' _He leaned his head on his knees and listened intently.

How could they have prevented this? How could he have protected her from Mesmero? Apocalypse? Herself? Hank stuck a needle in a vial and grabbed one of Rogue's loose arms, working silently and faster than the two had ever seen."

Scott stuck his fingers down her throat again, but he didn't trigger a response. "C'mon,_ god damn it_. Rogue!" He cried, climbing into the tub with her. "I'm here. You don't just get to leave." Tears were welling under his glasses. He looked at her eyes, but they wouldn't focus on anything. He slapped her desperately. "I just wanted to give up and go to sleep on that _stupid_ field trip. I was so convinced we were dead but _you_ wouldn't let me. You saved my life. I'm gonna be your _tourniquet,_ Rogue. I'm not just gonna let you go." She slumped unresponsively against him. He hung his head. "_Let me save you._"

Hank was frowning deeply, despite Scott's words. "We are losing her..." Scott clutched to Rogue tight. Logan grabbed her fragile wrist in his hand, but he didn't feel the effects of her mutation.

Scott shook her, trying desperately to rouse her from this nightmare. "Please..."

"Open your eyes, _kid."_

All three mutants cheered with joy when she gagged, her body writhing suddenly in Scott's slippery grip. He leaned her over, his strong hand on her back as she cried. "_I got you,_" Her body convulsed again and she spit up weakly, her hands curling into claws from the pain. Scott had never been so glad to see someone throw up before.

"Careful of her skin, Scott!" Hank warned. "The more conscious she, becomes the stronger it'll kick in." He nodded firmly, trying to help her throw up the poisonous pills. Right now, her mutation felt like a feather dragging across his skin, way too weak.

"Just _breathe_, it's okay." She gasped, finding both breathing and throwing up painful. She threw up what was left in her body and leaned over in exhaustion, her breaths tumbling out painfully hard. Why were they in the bathroom together? Why is she soaking wet? "_There_ she is, good girl."

"No..." She whispered. "NO," She began to sob, but Scott clutched her to him tight. _"Y-You weren't supposed to..."_

_"It's okay,_" He assured, leaning his chin on her hair.

"_Good job, Stripes."_ Logan breathed, his eyes watery. He didn't even care if they saw him cry when Rogue instinctively turned in to Scott and clung to him in an embrace, sobbing. It hurt to see her cry, but it was better than watching her walk around numb. He hugged her to him, forgetting for a second that they were soaking wet in a bathtub. Scott sighed. He would do it as many times as he had to if it would make her understand she _had_ to live.

"_Bastards.._." Rogue said through clenched teeth. Her tight, shaking grip around Scott said otherwise. "This isn't what you're supposed to be thinking about." Scott frowned, looking at Rogue.

"What did you say?"

"This was the wrong thing to think about, Scott. You messed up."

"What?"

_"Wake up."_

* * *

"_Scott, please_ wake up." He opened his eyes to a blurry sea of wavy hair floating above him. The way the light shined it looked like she had a halo of silver around her bangs. It brought up fond memories.

"_Rogue?_" He asked in a daze, leaning up to inspect the face.

"Easy, Sugah. Just sit back and relax." She ordered, pushing him back gently. His vision cleared and he recognized his own teammate and best friend.

"_M-Marie..."_ He had a pounding head. His nose stung. He looked around, the discarded heroin needle and drugs beside him on the hotel bed. "How'd you know to bring Narcan?" She smiled sadly, hugging her short leather jacket around her. She smirked at him now, her green eyes playful.

"You're in my _head_, stupid." He smiled despite how bad he felt.

"You're the only one who comes sniffing around for _me_ anymore." The smile faded from his face as he forced himself up. "I had it all planned out... What I was gonna think about when I went over the rainbow bridge." Rogue nodded, frowning. This was getting to normal, for them. Scott, causally talking about death. Dying. 'Going to meet Jean.' And, she misses the past so bad she takes it.

"Jean?" He smiled sadly. "What did you dream about?"

He laughed dryly. "That time you tried to kill yourself." She looked at him smugly.

"_Ironic._"

"Forget me. Focus on the institute, where life lives. There's nothing but death around me, now." She shook her head.

"Scott, I'm not gonna let you fade out on some musty hotel bed." She snapped. "I care about you, it's what friends do." She smiled sadly. "Once upon a time, I remember someone telling_ me_ about how important it is to live..." He smiled at the ground.

_"Did they_? Sounds obnoxious." He laughed, looking at his hands. Rogue took a seat beside him with a sigh.

"Oh, completely." He studied her face, realizing how much he'd missed her. He winced. When he saw Rogue he almost forgot about the never-ending hell he lived in. Almost. Everything hurt without Jean. That was no exaggeration. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to sleep. All Scott did was drink her memory away until he worked up enough liquid courage to kill himself. And, it never worked out.

Anything to try to join her again. He had been counting the seconds.

He disbanded the X-Men soon after her death, or at least tried to. All he did was leave. Even Logan used to come to draft him back, the whole team begging and crying. And, he would smile and hug them goodbye and say no. Every time. He measured time by the length of Rogue's hair, and it was crawling down her back now. He could barely remember their faces and names. Just Jean's and her's...

He grabbed a bottle of whiskey at his feet and took a generous swig. Rogue chuckled, amused. "_Lightweight._" She snatched the bottle and knocked back an even bigger sip. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve and handed the much lighter handle back to him.

"Can you even _get_ drunk? All those powers..." He took another sip. She looked at her hands, yellow boots underneath.

"Logan's teachin' me how to pretend." She sent him a melancholy smile.

"You don't have to keep tying up your precious free time keeping me from putting a needle in my arm... Or a bullet in my head." Her smile faded. "_Definitely_ not because I stopped you from making a mistake once, a lifetime ago. A_ huge_ mistake, might I add." She turned away from him in frustration.

"And, you don't think leaving the X-Men to waste away here is a mistake? _Really_, Scott." He avoided her stare, her eyes were too persuasive. Her eyes were the only thing that made him want to hope, again. He was too jaded and scared to take that chance. Going to the afterlife and finding Jean would be much easier. He put everything he had into their forever.

He tried to forget her bright, immolated form as the Phoenix took over.

"You had things to do Rogue. You're the opposite of me." He stood suddenly, swaying a little as the alcohol hit him. "I peaked in _high school_. The best years of my life, on the team, _with Jean..."_ Rogue winced. "That's when those times were. A long time ago. The fact is, I can fade away, and the grand scheme of everything would be just fine."

"You're such a fuckin' jerk. I can't put up with this." He thought she was gonna leave his cramped, disgusting hotel room and if he had to watch her go, it would certainly make killing himself easier. She walked over and yanked him into a standing position with such ease it kind of turned him on. _'I never get use to those powers...'_ He thought, thinking of her flying and fighting and carrying buses over her head. "_I'm your tourniquet_." He looked at her seriously, remembering when he said those words, terrified she was gonna die. _'You remember...' _He had always assumed she'd been unconscious and didn't hear the things he'd said, anyway. They hadn't talked about the incident very much.

"I don't care how many times you surrender yourself to the abyss just like _you_ didn't care how many times I pushed you away." He was finally silent, seemingly having trouble formulating an argument.

_"You saved my life. I'm your tourniquet, Rogue. I'm not just gonna let go..."_

"You sure deserve a lot better than being some_ loser's_ tourniquet." He said, a small smile on his lips. She shrugged.

"Wasn't it you who said my type _was_ loser?" He draped an arm drunkenly on her strong shoulder. He chuckled.

"Think that was Wolverine."

"Oh." They stared at each other, a lot of things left unsaid.

"Me going back is not a good idea..." He is tempted. His face almost begins to light up when he thinks about seeing Kurt and Kitty and the professor and everyone again. But what if they moved on? What if they hated him? They had every right to. He looked at his scuffed boots.

"Never said I had any good ideas." She informed him, grabbing his suitcase and tossing it on the bed. He watched her wearily as as began tossing his belongings in haphazardly.

"I don't really have a choice,_ do I_?" She looked at him mischievously from beneath a fringe of silver.

"_You're_ the one who said you were _my_ tourniquet..." She said, tossing his packed suitcase to him. "Making me _your_ tourniquet. So if you're going to keep endangerin' yoursel,f ya might as well do it on my territory." She placed her hands on her hips and stared defiantly into Scott's hiding eyes. His seeing 'disability' didn't bother her any. She knew how to lock eyes with Scott and she knew how to be seen by him. He busted out into a sloppy, wasted grin. Rogue took a moment to examine the manly stubble growing in on his chin and neck. She knew it was him being a slob, but it was a good look for him. She fought the urge to rub it.

"Well," He responded. "I guess since I said that, making all of this my fault... Alright." He wrapped his arms around Rogue's waist because all judgement went out the window two sips of whiskey ago.

"_Mr. Summers..."_ He stared at her and she knew he was deciding. She had never gotten this close to getting him to come home. It was a never ending song and dance that was a lot of the reason they were both still hanging on. She didn't want to play house at the hotel anymore, she wanted him to come be with them. Because, time was gonna leave Rogue behind if she didn't move on soon. At least, that's what Logan kept beating into her head.

_"You think someone dying, being gone never to be seen again (no matter how much you love them) is the worst pain to be felt." He looked down at his own claws. "The truth is, the worst thing that can happen to someone is they're alive and well. They're living and breathin'. But, that person just isn't the same. And they're never coming back. But you have to look at them every day..." Rogue stared out the window, refusing to look at him. "Rogue, let him be. He's not Scott anymore. He never would've abandoned us while the government raided the mansion..."_

_"You don'-"_

_"I do know, darlin'. And, I'm sorry. I can't keep watching you do this to yourself. Whatever choice he makes he has to make it. And, stick with it." She stared at the burgundy carpet silently._

"Come_ home,_ Scott." She slowly stood on her toes and kissed Scott's cheek. He was drunk enough to risk her powers in the moment, but was shocked when he felt nothing. In his self absorbed pity party he had failed to notice her gloves were _off._ She smiled at him and walked towards the door. "Join the land of the living." He looked down at his feet.

He reached down and picked up his bag, staring at her unsurely. He had a million questions. A million concerns. A million things to say. But all he said was, "Ok."


End file.
